Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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