Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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