i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
