You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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