My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
