oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
