It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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