so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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