You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
