Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize