don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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