i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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