Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
