now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize