You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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