Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize