last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize