I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
