I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
