Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
