My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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