It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
