Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
