I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
