Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
