Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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