Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
