Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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