I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
