just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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