Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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