did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
