so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
