Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
only you would photoshop your dick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize