after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
