her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
