He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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