You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
