my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
