bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
