definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
