i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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