I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
