All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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