today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
