Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
