I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
