is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
