There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize