dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
