It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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