He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
