I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
organizing the empties. That sober.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
