Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
