your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
