Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
