I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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