I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
