he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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