im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The air was thick with penises
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
