i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
