dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
