Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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