i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
