How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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