Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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