just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
