Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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