SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just found out that she named her cat after me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
