Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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