idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
