I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
