Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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