Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
