i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
