i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
