The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
